Parting Thoughts

Here we are. We have arrived at the present day. On this present day, I have decided to end this blog. It was a tough decision, but I think it's for the best.

I’ve had my fair share of fun, especially as a college student. But after all those hookups, I’m just tired. I’m tired of all the confusion, and I’m tired of being used for sex. I’m tired of being mistreated, especially when it’s for something that doesn’t even matter.

Plus, I am an independent person by nature. I enjoy being self-sufficient in every way possible. This is why, more than anything, I hate obsessing about the possibility of being with a guy. It’s pure torture, not knowing if it will work out or not. And yet, I can’t help but think about it all the time, even though I know how much it sucks to keep thinking about it.

Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to fall in love. However, I’m now ready to wait for the right person. The person whose personality clicks with mine, and with whom I have a Sexual Pull of Attraction that is off the charts.

I will actually matter to this person, just like I mattered to James. This person will inspire and encourage me to be my best, like T.J. did. He will love and trust me like Elton did. He will understand me just as well as Chris did. He will be smart, funny, interesting, considerate, and confident. This person will also be quite similar to me. I will not settle for anyone who is not just as awesome as me, and right now, there is nobody that I like better than myself.

Some parting tips:

1. Communication is key. The most important thing that I've learned from blogging is that the majority of the confusion in my experiences was due to a lack of communication. Sometimes the guy failed at communicating, sometimes I failed at communicating, and sometimes we both failed at it. No matter who was at fault, bad communication was the major culprit behind all those "boys are stupid and suck" moments.
2. When you find the right person-- or even when you really, intensely like the wrong person-- you just don't care about stuff. All that dumbass shit that James did at the end of our relationship? If I had been really into him, I probably wouldn't have cared.
3. For all my girls out there: work on being more obvious. Guys just don't understand hints. Or subtlety. They don't understand what you're trying to do unless you are completely, blatantly obvious. This might be scary, but you will get results one way or another.
4. There is no way to "mess up." If it is meant to happen, it will happen, regardless of what you do (or do not do). (Within reason. Whatever you do, don't be like my friend Mandy. She wants guys that she hasn't even talked to before to ask her out, without her doing a single damned thing to try to get to know them at all).
5. College is the worst place to date around (at least that is the case for my school). Guys are just trying to get experience in the sack, and are not looking for anything serious. (Unless they are still in their LTR from high school. And even then, they still want to fuck you).
6. The way a guy treats you when he is in a relationship is the same as the way he will treat you when he is out of it. "Just friends?" Still only "just friends." Wants to have sex? Still only wants to have sex. Nothing changes except his relationship status. If he were really that into you, he would break up with her to be with you.
7. Making the first move is not a good idea. If a guy is really into you, he will make the first move, even if he is shy.

And that is it for now. Don't worry-- Veronica won't disappear. My smoking, dirty-mouthed, lipstick-wearing, wild, sensual alter-ego will never be truly gone. She will always be there for me when I need her. In fact, I plan to incorporate more Veronica-ness into my daily life, as I work on being more obvious to the guys that I like.

Finally, I would like to thank you, my readers. It has been a great two months, and I hope you have enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing. And who knows, maybe I will start a sister-blog at some point.

Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

So I kept waiting for Mr. Math to contact me about "hanging out" that week. Especially since he had mentioned definitely hanging out that weekend during his ex's "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" thing. But instead, what I got was nothing.

No texts, no phone calls, no messages... nothing.

So I tried to take matters into my own hands. I asked him what he was doing on Saturday, and he said that he was at a long-boarding party. He didn't ask me what I was doing, or make plans to see me, or anything.

Since just a simple text hadn't gotten his attention, I decided that I needed to be bold. Since it was labor day weekend and we didn't have school that day, I contacted him on Monday evening.

Me: I've been thinking about you all day... and it's NOT innocent. ;)

And I got... no response. I was freaking out because he wasn't responding to me. He ended up texting me the following morning:

Mr. Math: Lolz, my phone died last night. But thanks for the consideration.

Ok, first of all. "Lolz?" Who the fuck says "lolz?!"

The phone dying did make sense as to why he hadn't responded to me, but I didn't appreciate his "thanks for the consideration" comment. He didn't seem at all disappointed that he had missed out on having amazing sex with me. Plus, he made no further arrangement to see me. It was definitely a rejection.

I responded with a bitchy, "No need to thank me. It's your loss." To which I got no response.

Then, I got Sam's opinion.

Sam: So you're telling me that he could have had sex with you any day this week, particularly this weekend? And he did nothing? He definitely was getting it on the side.

Sam, of course, was right.

Sam: If he doesn't know that you like him, your bitchy response might have confused him. You need to text him and tell him how you feel.

I had no idea how he could NOT know how I felt. Not only did I have sex with him when he was in a relationship, but I told him that I would have sex with him again even though he ripped my fucking vagina. I showered with him. I told him that I thought he looked good, despite the fact that he was sweaty and covered in paint from working on his apartment. Plus, in general, my face probably was glowing around him, as I show expression very easily. So in my opinion, it was no shit, Sherlock.

Me: Sam, that's not something that you should do via text.
Sam: Well, it doesn't look like you have any other choice. Your attempts to get his attention didn't work, so this is the only way.

So I bit the bullet and sent Mr. Math a text.

Me: I really like you, but I feel like you're just stringing me along/jerking me around. What's the deal?
Mr. Math: I'm kinda seeing somebody else right now. I'm not sure what's going to happen with me and her. Can we still be friends?
Me: Did you know how I felt?
Mr. Math: No, actually that came as a surprise to me :/

....What. An. Idiot.

Me: I'll be your friend if you answer my questions honestly. So you had no intention of dating me, you just wanted to fool around?
Mr. Math: Yeah, that's what I thought we were doing. Sorry if I was being confusing.


At least he redeemed himself. Kind-of. He hadn't known that I liked him, so he hadn't known what he was doing to me when he told me we were going to have sex that week, and then didn't even contact me.

Even so, the situation just sucked. I've only seen him once since this whole thing happened, and that was when I was waiting outside of my classroom one day and he walked into the building.

He came over and sat next to me, and we talked really awkwardly for about ten minutes.

That was it.

Another thing: he was the one who kept saying, "Let's be friends. Let's be friends. Let's be friends," and yet, he hasn't contacted me to hang out at all. Not even once.

Elton pulled that same shit when he and I broke up. And guess what? We have not talked to each other since. At all.

Some friend.

Anyway, here's the kicker: Mr. Math is now in a relationship. With a girl who is not the same girl he was skating with. Talk about player extreme. If he's wondering why I decided to post about him on here, that was it.

In the words of P!nk:

"White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight 
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight 
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears 
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you 
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold, 
But there's nothing to grab so I let go 

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much 
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss) 
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit 
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)"

Maximum Confusion

Once I was done with my geology program this past summer, I returned to my apartment at school, and was just working full-time for the rest of the summer. Mr. Math made a point of contacting me a month-- and then a week-- before he was supposed to come back and fix up his apartment. In both instances, he made it clear that he wanted to hang out with me when he wasn't busy doing apartment stuff.

Score! I was so excited. It was definitely a good sign that he was already thinking about hanging out with me before he was even back at school.

When he came back, we definitely got it on. Before anything happened, I told him about The Problem. I was so worried that he would hate me and never talk to me again, but he proved me wrong. He was actually very sweet about the whole thing, apologizing and giving me a hug.

Mr. Math: So... does that mean I'm on your No-Sex List?
Me: *blush* Not exactly... *wink*

We went on to take a steamy shower together...

Then, since he had taken to the nasty business of The Problem so well, I decided to open up to him further and tell him about this very blog.

Me: So I started a blog.
Mr. Math: About what?
Me: About SEX!
Mr. Math: I want to read it! *then later* It's funny! I'm glad you didn't write about me... (hahahahaha... well, I hadn't then. and now... he can just suck it)

Again, good signs. He didn't run away from me waving a gigantic "Slut" banner.

Then things got complicated. I was trying to figure out if he actually wanted to date me or if he only wanted to have sex with me. But I was having a terrible time doing so.

Signs He Wanted to Date Me

• ·      When we got food one night, he shared his drink with me
• ·      We would talk about our lives
• ·      He gave me a foot massage
• ·      He would tell me that he wanted to hang out with me again the next day
• ·      We agreed to burn each other CD's of bands that we liked
• ·      He wanted me to meet his good friends
• ·    He would constantly start tickle fights with me
• ·      We were watching Fight Club, and that woman who was described as looking like "Meryl Streep's smiling skeleton" started talking about how she was dying, and how all she wanted was to have sex one more time. I said that that would probably be me. He patted me on the knee and said, "I’ll have sex with you when you’re about to die, even if you look like a smiling Meryl Streep’s skeleton. That would go against my rules for girls I normally sleep with, but for you I would.”
• ·      He made me a sandwich

Signs He Just Wanted Sex

• ·      One time he invited me to his place for the sole purpose of me bringing him alcohol. I'm over 21, and he is not.
• ·      He told me to take off my shirt when we were hanging out
• ·      We were discussing our animalistic night last March, and there were things that we each didn't remember about it. He said, "Let’s have sex when we’re both sober enough to remember it."
• ·      He told me that "Hanging tonight gave me something to do,” as if he didn't have anything better to do.
• ·      He would always make last-minute plans with me.
• ·      He would talk about the perks of being single
• ·      He told me to call him when The Problem was fixed
• ·      He talked about how other girls were hot in front of me

Based on these lists, I was pretty confused. However, I finally came to the conclusion that he just wanted sex. Most of the stuff on the first list could be explained by the fact that we were already friends. Furthermore, he had explicitly said that he wanted to have sex with me, but he hadn't explicitly asked me on a date or anything.

So I was fully prepared to take advantage of the fact that we both wanted to jump each other's bones. The last time I hung out with him, we basically were about to have sex, when his roommate walked in. Mr. Math told me that we definitely should "hang out" later that week (or rather, have sex later that week). I texted him on Wednesday asking him what he was doing that night. Mr. Math said that he was going skating. Well, okay.

I actually ran into him while he was skating. He was with some girl.

It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what bothered me about the situation. If nothing was going on with him and this girl, he would've said, "I'm skating with my friend [name]." However, he totally left the girl out of it, suggesting that he didn't want me to know about her.

However, he also kept stopping me from leaving.

Me: Well, I'll let you guys get back to skating then. *turns to walk away*

Mr. Math: Wait, what are you doing this weekend? I want to get away from my friends.

Me: Um... why?

Mr. Math: Because my ex is having her "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" thing and I do not want to be there for that.

Me: Well, I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. We could probably hang out. *turns to walk away*

Mr. Math: Oh, let me know the next time you go to the liquor store. 'Cause I need alcohol...

Me: ...Okay. *turns to leave*

Mr. Math: Do you have football tickets?

Me: No... but my coworker was trying to get me to go to a game.

Mr. Math: Well let me know when you decide to go to a game.

So here he was with this skater girl, and he kept calling after me as I kept trying to leave them to it. What gives?

I was beyond confused. And it was only about to get worse.