Knight in Shining Armor

When Chris and I were not friends for a year, I still saw him sometimes at work. Plus, I found out that six months after our altercation, he and Bianca broke up.

I pumped Miranda for the details.

Miranda: She broke up with him. She was leaving to go to grad school, and she didn't want to do long-distance. Now she regrets it, but he won't take her back. He doesn't like her at all anymore.

But even though they were broken up, he didn't contact me to see if I wanted to go out. Not even after we became friends again. So I just assumed that he wasn't interested anymore.

However, I knew-- and still know, for that matter-- that there still might be something there.

Evidence: when I contacted him for the first time in a year, I literally threw my phone across the table after sending the text. I was so afraid that he wouldn't respond, or that he hated me, or something.

But he did respond, and after a few nerve-racking texts, we got back into the swing of being friends.

Then last spring, I had a party at my apartment, and I invited Chris to it. Chris lives about half an hour away from me, so he asked me if he could crash at my place after the party.

Me: Sorry, I wish it could work, but unfortunately, I don't have a couch... or much furniture for that matter... my place is pretty small.
Chris: I'm pretty much fine with a roof over my head and a floor. Haha.
Me: Haha, alright then. Oh, I do have a new sleeping bag that you could use.

So Chris came to my party, and stayed after. I could tell right away that he wanted to have sex with me. He kept touching my stomach, trying to get me drunker, and trying to get me higher.

Either that, or he just didn't want to sleep on the floor.

I was really tired, and didn't have the energy to setup the sleeping bag or blow up the sleeping pad that went underneath it. Especially since I had just received it in the mail, and hadn't even opened it yet.

So I told him that he could sleep in my bed with me, and that I didn't care.

Once in bed, we started kissing, and he started fingering me.

Chris: You have really awesome boobs. They're huge!!!
Me: Thanks!

And then things got complicated. Well actually, they already were complicated. You see, I couldn't have sex at that time. I was having a Problem, caused by Mr. Math. But I'll get to that.

So I didn't want to do anything to arouse him (more...), because I didn't have enough energy to blow him or to jerk him off to completion. So I just did... nothing.

It was awful. I actually did want to have sex with him.

But eventually, he fell asleep and then it wasn't a problem anymore.

...for him, anyway. He happened to pass out while he was fingering me. So his finger was still in my vagina, and it was making me SO FUCKING HORNY.

After that night, I had a sort of renewed interest in Chris. I texted him a week later and invited him to come to the bar with me, Miranda, and a few others. However, he didn't respond.

So I was forced to conclude that he had just been drunk, and I had been there. That was it.

That might very well be it, but I'm not sure. I mean, I'm still a little confused about Chris. It seems like for the most part he's not interested, but then he always talks to me when I need someone to be there for me. I don't know HOW he knows when those times are, but he always does. And he always makes me feel better.

He talked to me when my parents were in the middle of a divorce, and I was home for spring break and had to deal with all their yelling and screaming at each other. He talked to me when I had just moved into my apartment, and felt lonely because I didn't have any roommates to talk to. He talked to me this past summer, when I was away on my geology program and was having a miserable time.

Chris: I hope that this program works out well for you.
Me: How would it do that?
Chris: I hope that you make some friends, and that you learn a lot from the program. Also, you'll probably be in killer shape afterward. It will make you hot(ter) ;)
Me: Well, just so long as my boobs don't go away. That can happen when you get in really good shape.
Chris: Some people care more about the shape than about the boobs.

My first instinct was to argue with him, but as always, Chris had said it in exactly the right way. I thought about it, and realized that he was right. It WOULD be really awesome to be completely in shape.

But even though Chris might be MY knight in shining armor, I don't think I'm his. Whenever I try to be there for him, I don't get the sense that I'm actually helping at all.

So, I don't know anymore. Something could happen, or it could not happen. I'll keep you posted.