Thursday, September 13, 2012

Veronica's Naive Gaffe

Back when I was a sophomore, I was relatively innocent. Sure, I was always the one to make inappropriate jokes to my friends, but I really didn't have that much experience. I only had had sex with one guy (Elton), and I didn't really go to any parties.

That all changed when Joanna invited me to a party at her place. Joanna was my coworker, and we were just starting to become good friends.

I went to the party with my friends Ray and Jeanne. We got there a bit late, but we still had a great time. I met this dude Robbie Cons there, a friend of Joanna's, who seemed really nice.

At that point, Joanna kicked us all out because she wanted to have sex with some guy named Howard. She had a one-bedroom apartment, so it was justified.

Robbie Cons asked me if I wanted to continue drinking with him at his place. I agreed because I had been having a good time and didn't want to go home yet.

So me, Lola, Kelsey, Jeanne, and Ray all piled into Robbie Cons' car, and he drove Lola and Kelsey back to their dorm room. Lola was blacked the fuck out and needed help walking in, so Jeanne helped her inside and then left to go home.

When we got to Robbie Cons' apartment, we had an even better time. His roommate, Brendan, was there also, and we all got shitfaced and drank until 7 am.

Laura called me, and I told her that I was having "fun fun fun fun fun fun fun." Which she then continued to repeat to me every time she and Brad would call me drunk all the time. Haha. And I don't even remember saying it.

Ray was not handling it well, and he felt pretty awful. He was lying on the couch and he was holding my hand for awhile.

As an aside, Ray and I could have potentially dated. He, however, decided that it would be a great conversation topic to discuss how he peed in a bottle one time. When we were on a kind-of date. Classy.

Anyway, around 7 am, I started to freak out. Robbie Cons lived far enough away from campus that it was not walkable.

Me: Robbie Cons, when will you be sober enough to drive me and Ray back?
Robbie Cons: In about three hours.
Me: Oh, ok.
Robbie Cons: Why don't we all get some sleep for three hours and then I'll drive you guys back?
Me: Sounds good.

So of course, Ray was already passed out on the couch. There was no other couch, so I walked into the bedroom that Robbie Cons and Brendan shared.

Hmm... where to sleep. I assessed my options.

Robbie Cons had a twin bed; Brendan had a queen. Where was I going to sleep?

Oh, I don't know. The fucking queen.

So we all got into bed. Robbie Cons passed right out. Brendan pulled me toward him and said, "I'm gonna cuddle."

Well, I wasn't about to object. I was fucking wasted.

Then, Brendan started having sex with me. He was good, but he did this weird thing where he would alternate between vaginal sex, anal sex, fingering, and oral. Like he couldn't decide on one. That was weird.


Three hours later, we all woke up. Brendan tried to have sex with me again, but at that point I was sober enough to realize that I had made a serious, naive gaffe.

When Robbie Cons drove me home, he said, "Veronica, I had a great time with you last night. We should hang out again without alcohol."

Then I got back to my dorm room. Robbie Cons had sent me a Facebook friend request complete with a message that asked me out on a date.

Me: Oh no, oh no, oh no...... fuck fuckkkkkkk....

I called Joanna freaking out. I made sure to tell all details about my excursion, including that I was still buzzed and had no hangover, in order to piss off Gia, my roommate. I even told Joanna about how I Facebook stalked Brendon, only to find out that he had a girlfriend.

Oh deary me, I had just become "The Other Woman." The first of what I'm sorry to say is not the only time. But more on that later.

Joanna: Geez Veronica... so you hang out with us once and you get drunk off your ass and have sex with the roommate of a guy that was interested in you, WHILE THE GUY WHO IS INTERESTED IS IN THE ROOM, and then the guy that was interested in you asks you out on a date and doesn't know that you had sex with his roommate... maybe you shouldn't hang out with us, it's bad for your health.

She was right. But I didn't listen. Then.

Joanna: Anyway, I think you should accept the date. Robbie Cons is a great guy...

And I did accept the date. Stay tuned for the details in the next post, "The Perfect Date."

No comments:

Post a Comment