The Sexual Pull of Attraction

I was at my geology program this past summer, when one day, I learned some very interesting news:

Mr. Math was single again. He and his girlfriend had broken up.

I was very surprised. Because they had been dating for three years, and because Mr. Math had told me that he wanted to marry her someday, I hadn't been expecting them to end things. I speculated about why the relationship had ended:

1) One of his friends had commented on the relationship status change with "Well, fuck." So maybe his girlfriend had found out that he had cheated on her with me.
2) When he had hinted at marriage with her before, she had kind of freaked out. Maybe he had proposed to her or something and she was so freaked out that she had broken up with him.

It turned out that neither had been right. He had broken up with her because they fought a lot, and afterward he found out that she had been cheating on him with two guys. Hence, the "well, fuck" comment was directed not at him, but rather at her.

Anyway, at the time I was with James. I found out about Mr. Math being single around the same time as the Beginning of the End, or when he started telling me about how his dogs shit all the time and had bad breath.

However, I'm not gonna lie: Mr. Math being single again had a lot to do with my decision to break things off with James.

It's true that I still liked him. I had suppressed those feelings because he was in a relationship and had made the decision to stay with her, but him being single again had resurfaced those feelings.

But the more important aspect of the whole thing was actually a matter of chemistry. You see, Mr. Math and I had intensely powerful chemistry, more powerful than I had ever experienced with anyone before. Not only did we have mind-blowing sex, but also I experienced a strong sexual pull toward him.

There was one day, after things had become awkward, when I saw him at work. I saw him, but he didn't see me. He had ordered food and already gone out to sit in the eating area before my shift started. I came in and saw him sitting at the same table that I had seen him sitting at the last time he had come to visit me at work. The table was facing the pizza maker station, and he and Timmie had sat there last time watching me throw pizzas into the air. I couldn't help but think (hopefully) that he had sat there because he missed me, and he had wanted to see me there making pizzas again this time.

Of course, when I came in, I was not a pizza maker that day. So he didn't see me that whole time. When he stood up to leave, I was reminded of how tall he was, how attractive he was, and I felt this sexual pull of energy that radiated from my vagina out toward him. The Sexual Pull of Attraction told me that I wanted to run after him and jump his bones, and I wanted to do it BAD.

I didn't, of course.

Anyway, that summer, I was remembering the Sexual Pull of Attraction that I had felt toward Mr. Math, when I realized that I felt nothing even remotely like that for James.

Don't get me wrong, James was actually a great boyfriend (up until that point, anyway, because he hadn't yet become mentally retarded). The whole reason I had been drawn to him in the first place was because he made me feel like I mattered. Most people don't do that in the slightest. Not my family, and not most of my closest friends. So there was that. Then, James kept me sane during that awful geology program, even though I'm pretty sure that I was a stroppy bitch during most of it.

But even though all that was great, James and I had no Sexual Pull of Attraction whatsoever. Our chemistry just didn't compare, in any way, to what I had felt for Mr. Math.

I realized that I needed to date someone with whom I felt that same--or even bigger-- Sexual Pull of Attraction. Otherwise, in the words of Elise Sellas from The Adjustment Bureau:

"You ruined me. I simply could not settle for less."

That's right, Mr. Math, I'm talking to you. You ruined me.