Be Clear, If You Are Gay, Part 1: Patricio

I have had my fair share of trysts with gay men. For instance, the first guy that I ever loved, Patricio, turned out to be gay. Then, my date for Jr. Prom, Jim, turned out to be gay. Thackary, a friend of mine who I thought was gay, started making out with me at a bar. And I'm pretty sure that last summer, I was the third wheel at a movie with this guy I liked, Jackson, and his flamboyantly gay "friend" (but I'll get to all that).

So what gives? Did I just have horribly awful gay-dar? Was I completely oblivious to the fact that these men were gay, due to being blind-sighted by love?

I don't think so. At least, not completely. There was definitely some wishful thinking on my part, because I liked them and didn't WANT them to be gay. But despite that, these men all flirted with me and did things that would suggest that they liked me as more than just the reverse Gay Best Friend.

Patricio

I was in love with Patricio from seventh grade to ninth grade. He played the cello so well that every note was sensual and seductive. As Jim and I later discussed, Patricio's cello playing was better than sex.

Anyway, Patricio and I became good friends. In seventh grade, he told me that he liked this girl named Latasha that was in our grade in school. This led me to believe that he was straight, because back then I didn't know that sometimes a guy can be straight before turning out to be gay.

Later, in ninth grade, he would make sure to find me in the morning every day before classes started, and we would walk around and talk and flirt and I would stare mesmerized into his eyes, which always glittered when he looked at me. We were also in the same gym class, and he told me that he wanted me to be his "workout buddy."

As if that weren't enough, he didn't even give me a straight answer when I told him that I liked him:

Me: I have to tell you something...
Patricio: Yeah (said right away)
Me: I... like you.
Patricio: Oh! *pause* That made my day!

What a jerk for leading me on. He should have just said that he wasn't interested in me. But then he had to go and specially invite me to one of his seductive cello performances. An offer which I was incapable of refusing.

I continued to love Patricio for a very long time. The story ended when the following year, he packed up and went to a prestigious boarding school for musicians, and he made no effort to keep in touch with any of his old friends. And then I found out that he was gay.

Which is really too bad, because we could have made beautiful... music together.

Prick.