Red Flags That the Guy You Just Met is a Creeper

Establishing a good first impression is extremely important when you meet someone new.

Take this dude Jonny, for example. Jonny and I met through a mutual friend, Kristine. Kristine and I were good friends, and ate lunch together almost every day. One day, Kristine invited Jonny along to lunch.

At first, we hit it off well. We seemingly had a lot in common, and thought the same jokes were funny. Things with Jonny were off to a good start, until they good weird. And then downright freaky.


I'm a music major, and I'm in my school's philharmonic orchestra. As it turned out, I had to leave lunch to go to rehearsal. However, instead of saying he would call me later and then leaving, like any normal guy would have done, Jonny decided to follow me to my rehearsal. He said he would wait for my rehearsal to be done, so that two hours later, we could hang out immediately (Red Flag #1).

I thought that that was really fucking weird. You don't just follow a girl you just met to her orchestra rehearsal and then stay there for the whole thing. Fucking weirdo.

Luckily, Jonny didn't end up staying for my rehearsal. He walked with me to the music building, and then decided to leave at the last minute. I breathed a sigh of relief after he left.

Unfortunately, the fun wasn't over yet. When I got home that evening, Jonny sent me a Facebook friend request. I thought about it and decided to accept it; after all, he was friends with my good friend, Kristine, which lead me to give him the benefit of the doubt.

A little while later, Jonny started chatting with me on Facebook. This is how it went down:

Jonny: So do you prefer the top or the bottom? (Red Flag #2)

I was completely taken aback. Did he just ask me that??! I've only known this fucker for less than a day.

Me: ...Neither
Jonny: ;)

And then:

Me: I'm so bored that I'm playing with my bottle of ibuprofen.
Jonny: I'll give you something else to play with... (Red Flag #3)

Again, what the fuck. This creep needed to get his act together.


After this conversation, I talked with Kristine about Jonny. Kristine said, "Well, it might be okay if he didn't try to do this with every girl he meets." (Red Flag #4)

Kristine then proceeded to tell me the dirt on Jonny and his ex. Apparently, the girl had tried to give him a blow job, but couldn't fit his dick in her mouth. Jonny broke up with her the next day (Red Flag #5).

Wow, what a fucking dick.


Two years later, I unexpectedly ran into Jonny at my friend Ashton's party. Jonny was there hitting on my other friend, Maggie (Red Flag #5). I didn't warn her about Jonny because I felt bad about always stealing her guys. Anyway, when Maggie wanted to leave the party, Jonny walked her home. Then, he came back to the party. Only a weirdo creep-loser would come back to a party for someone he didn't know very well, after leaving it to walk a girl home. If he had been smart at all, he would have known that if he hadn't come back to the party, he would've at least saved his public appearance of getting the girl. Totally shaking my head at that one.



Needless to say, Jonny and I never dated or hooked up. There is more to the story, but that will be related in the next post: Corny and Unbelievably Sappy Things That Guys Do/Say, Part 1.