Corny and Unbelievably Sappy Things That Guys Do/Say, Part 1

About a week after I met Jonny, he was in the area by my dorm and asked if he could come in and hang out for awhile. I hesitantly agreed, but figured that maybe we could still be friends. After all, we did have a lot in common, and he was friends with Kristine.

When Jonny got to my room, we started talking about books we like. I said, "Here, let me show you the books that I have."

I kept my books on the window ledge next to my bed, because there was no bookshelf in my room. Unfortunately, Jonny decided that "let me show you my books" meant "leap onto my bed and sit there awkwardly."

Ugh. How fucking awkward. I mean, it would have been one thing if Jonny had gotten on my bed as a natural movement to inspect a book more closely. But instead, Jonny just sat there cross-legged, not even facing the books, with the obvious intention of luring me up onto the bed.

Luckily, at that moment, my good friend Laura gave me a call. She and her friend Brad from school often call me when they are drunk, and they can be very entertaining. I took the call, and went out to sit in my common room. Jonny followed me out there and sat in the chair next to mine while I talked to Laura for 30 minutes.

Then, Jonny became even more awkward; he picked up my hands and started rubbing them and trying to hold them. Um... okay. We are not dating here, Jonny. I'm not even interested in you at this point. You should've got the picture when I didn't join you on my bed, or if not then, at least you should've got it when I took a long phone call while you were over, so that I could ignore you.

After I hung up with Laura, Jonny decided to have "the talk" with me.

Jonny: Do you feel that?
Me: Feel... what..?
Jonny: That when we look into each other's eyes, something might happen?


Oh. My. God. So. Unbelievably. Corny. Sappy overload. Get the fuck away from me.

Me: Sorry Jonny, I just got out of a long-term relationship. I'm not ready to start a new one.
Jonny: I understand. I only saw Elton for 2 seconds in the hall just now, but he was such a dick.


Ha... okay.