How to Tell a Friend That You Like Her

Ok folks, follow these tips from my friend Al on how to let your friend know that you want to fuck her brains out.

Al and I have been friends since freshman year of college. Apparently, he liked me when we were freshman, but didn't ask me out because I started dating Elton.

Al is a computer science major, so I ask him for advice whenever I'm having a computer problem of some sort (which actually happens quite frequently...).

One night, I was super stressed out about this fucking lab that I had to finish for the next day. Excel wasn't cooperating, which made it all the more frustrating. I called Al and asked him if he knew how to fix the problem, and he came over to my dorm room to help me out.

After Al fixed the problem in about five minutes, he proceeded to stay in my room talking to me. For THREE FUCKING HOURS.

I kept trying to subtly kick him out by saying things to the effect of, "So I should probably get back to this..." "This is going to take me FOREVER to finish, I'm probably going to have to pull an all-nighter..." "I'm so tired right now, I pulled an all-nighter last night..."

And yet, he still did not get the hint that I wanted him to fucking LEAVE my room so that I could finish my work.

As a result, I actually did have to pull an all-nighter to finish the lab. It was my second all-nighter in a row, and I was pretty pissed at Al for taking three hours to socialize with me at that moment.

Then after Al FINALLY left, and went back to his room, he sent me an IM:

Al: I know that you said that you have a lot of work to do. But I was thinking that we should take a walk...
Me: Um.... I'm too busy for that.

Isn't that a great way to get the girl? Not listening to her when she says she has tons of shit to do? Making her pull an all-nighter? I thought so.

Me: Anyway, I heard that Ross is single again, so I think I should pursue him. I don't actively like him at the moment, but I should snap him up before some other girl does.
Al: I hate how there are more attractive guys that get the girl over the smarter ones.
Me: ...Well honestly, I think it's your acne's problem, not yours.

At that point, Al got furious with me. Apparently he had been seeing a dermatologist regularly for 6 years, and none of the products worked to clear up his acne. Oops. He has such poor hygiene that I thought he wasn't properly taking care of his skin. It's not my fault that his ex, Gia, confided to me that he only took sporadic 3-minute showers.

Whatever. At least I took care of that problem. I really was not interested in Al at all romantically.